Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
