I could have mohawked her pubes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
