You're so nebulous sometimes
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
