my text book just quoted the cookie monster
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
