You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
