I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
