the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
