This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
