the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
