I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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