she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
