She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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