i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
