I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
