the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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