So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
