I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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