Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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