He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
