Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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