I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
