could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
