I want to walk on stilts...naked
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
