I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
