Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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