I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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