he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
