I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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