Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
