just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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