Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
