girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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