Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
