I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
