I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
