Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
