A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
is it fun? or sober?
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