I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
