3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
