I am spending my child support on dildos
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
