I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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