It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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