I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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