I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
