if i can run in heels then i can drive
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
