When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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