She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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