He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
