It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
