every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
