you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
