I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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