Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
