just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
